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Pun or paronomasia

The pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play which suggests two or more meanings, by exploiting multiple meanings of words, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect. These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use and abuse of homophonic, homographic, metonymic, or metaphorical language. A pun differs from a malapropism in that, in a malapropism one uses an incorrect expression that alludes to another (usually correct) expression, but in a pun one uses a correct expression that alludes to another (sometimes correct but more often absurdly humorous) expression.

Pun Examples:

* A man"s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
* A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
* At a hearing aid center: "Let us give you some sound advice."
* I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment.
* Without geometry, life is pointless.
* Dieting is a matter of life and breadth.
* I considered going into the ministry but I didn"t have an altar ego.
* Speaking ill of the dead is a grave mistake.
* At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
* On a Scientist"s door: Gone Fission.
* At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don"t, you will be.
* Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist"s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
* A neutron walks into a bar. "I"d like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge".


Funny Pun Examples:

* Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
* Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
* Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
* There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
* I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn"t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
* I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
* Old investors never die, they just roll over.
* Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
* This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."
* Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
* Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
* Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.


Cool Pun Examples:

* Old owls never die, they just don"t give a hoot.
* I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.
* I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me "son". I said, "Why do you call me "son"? You"re not my father." He said, "I brought you up, didn"t I?"
* Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.
* Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
* Diet slogan: Are you going the wrong weigh?
* Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
* Old students never die, they just get degraded.
* Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
* What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can"t venom all.


Famous Pun Examples:

* I used to look for gold, but it didn"t pan out.
* I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.
* I used to be a baker, but I didn"t make enough dough.
* I used to be a blackjack host, but was offered a better deal.
* I used to work for Budweiser, but then I got canned.
* I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn"t my cup of tea.
* I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.
* I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.
* I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had reservations.
* I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn"t stand the agony of de feet.
* I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn"t trained.
* I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.
* I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.
* I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
* I used to be a taxi driver, but found I couldn"t hack it.
* I used to be a teacher, but found I didn"t have enough class.
* I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn"t my racket.
* I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
* I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn"t in it.
* I used to be a Velcro salesman, but couldn"t stick with it.


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